Handling unacceptable behaviours of young children

Hitting is an unacceptable behaviour. But the fact is it does happen among young children.

Earlier today, I was asked what would I do if a parent said his child was hit by another child in the kindergarten. I replied that I would promise the parent to investigate and treat the matter seriously. I would also reassure her that hitting is totally unacceptable in the kindergarten. And then, I would discuss with my colleagues to find out more. Reflecting on it now, I think I have shortchanged my friend, who probably would like a proper analysis of the scenario. I once worked for a home based early education and care provider and often had similar questions referred to me. Let me answer this question again:

The incident involves the child who was hit, his mother, the child who hit, the teaching team, and all the other children.

First and foremost, everyone needs to feel safe and secured in the kindergarten. The child has a right to be safe, especially one can learn only when he feels safe. The child who was hit didn't tell a teacher. Why? Did he not trust the teacher? Was there no teacher nearby?If no teacher has witnessed the incident, the team needs to step up their supervision. Are there any blind spots around the kindergarten?

The incident of hitting could be more complicated than it seemed. The child might be provoked, which doesn't give him the license to hit back, of course. But then, it might become a learning opportunity for emotional management. The child needs to learn to stand up for himself in non aggressive way. The teacher needs to talk gently with both children to get a clearer picture of the incident.

What about other children in the kindergarten? Was anyone around at that time? No one came forward to tell a teacher? No matter how vigilant and alert the teachers are, they might not see everything. It is a fact that we must accept it. The teacher could be busy working with some other children who demanded her full attention.  Again, the incident calls for some teaching/learning activities about behaviour management. At mat-times, perhaps, a discussion about what constitute unacceptable behaviors? The 4 year olds might be mature enough to draft up a good behaviours contract that could be signed by all of them afterwards. Also, brainstorm what to do when confronted by aggressive behaviours. If the children are younger, give specific instructions about what to do, such as saying, "stop it. I don't like it!" And then, go and find a teacher. The whole group can practice together to say, "No, hitting is not acceptable!" I always advise the children that they are allowed to use a big voice to say NO! in such situation.

Parents are our close ally in supporting the growth and development of young children. They all need to know how we manage behaviours of children in our care. Take the initiative to discuss behaviour issue in newsletters; and seek their feedback. To the mother whose child was hit, explain what actions you're going to take or have taken; inform her about the progress of the investigation; reassure her that hitting is a serious matter; and keep the dialogue and any other two way communication open.

Sufficient? Appropriate? What do you think?

Managing behaviour in the early years

Effective behaviour management in the early years involves learning. Unacceptable behaviour should be dealt with to ensure that children are not demeaned or their self esteem is damaged. Te Whaariki, the New Zealand Early Childhood Curriculum, outlines the ways in which behaviour management could be empowering: the children will know the limits and boundaries of acceptable behaviour; and will understand the consequences of stepping beyond the limits of acceptable behaviour. Behaviour management strategies are not only meant for preventing unacceptable behaviour but also for developing ideas of fairness and new social skills.

Today, I visited a long day care centre and stayed in the room for three year olds. I realized how easily young children become tired, especially after being stuck inside for a long period of time due to bad weather. At the young age, their self control may still be unreliable. I think it's the teacher's responsibility to observe and respond to signals of tiredness. When there are issues of unacceptable behaviour, the young children need to be handled in a calm and caring way.

After lunch, one teacher brought children out to have a little play, while other teachers set up the sleeping area.  Some children started doing forward roll on the wet ground and more children joined in. The teacher asked them to stop and warned them that they would get wet and sick. And then, she threatened to bring the children inside to sleep if they did not take notice of her instruction. A few children did not listen and kept doing forward roll on the ground with small puddles. In the end, she scooped one child inside, while the child yelled in protest. And then, another child was taken inside the same way. Despite that, two children continued to roll on the ground, regardless of the consequence. To me, it's seem they were unable to stop themselves, rather than blatantly disregarded the teacher. They probably were very tired, so ready to have a lying down.  I just said No to them clearly and distracted them by saying not on a cloudy day without the sun. They naturally checked out the sky, and I reinforced that they would be allowed to do it on a sunny day. On that moment, I invited them to go on the jungle gym. Distraction and provision of alternatives could be more efficient than punishment at this young age.

The same strategy applied later.  After nap, a child who has woken up for a long while pushed a child who just woke up several time, probably trying to get him into playing together. They started to pushed each other roughly. The teacher said, "no fighting, otherwise you will go to the office!" Though children need to learn the consequence of their unacceptable behaviour, but not in this way. Logically, getting hurt is a possible consequence of fighting that children need to be aware of , as the learning outcome is to understand how to look after their own well being and to keep themselves from harm. It's different from avoiding the punishment of being sent to the office.

 I thought those children were unable to decide what to do when they just woke up. They simply need to know there is another option. So, I asked them whether they want to do a painting. One child immediately followed me to the art table. And the other child said, "me too!" I think the teacher could bear this in mind in future planning about respect for rules. For sure, the children need to understand the rule about harming others and an understanding of the reasons for it.

Children develop a sense of self worth when their emotional well being is nurtured. Teachers of young children could give genuine opportunities to make choices and to develop independence. Also, its the teacher's' responsibility to help young children to understand and accept necessary limits, without anxiety or fear.

Click here for positive parenting resources developed by S.K.I.P. of New Zealand. The ideas and concepts are relevant to early childhood teachers as well.

Competent children - reflecting our image of the child

Everyone is busy with the preparation of the art exhibition, yet, I let children give the finishing touch to their clay sculptures, rather than doing it myself. As there has not been enough time to fire the clay work, I decided to cover them with a glaze of polymer medium, so the sculptures look better and won't break easily. Though the glazing takes time, but I respect the children as 'artists', so they are involved in every single step of the art show.  Why I take so much troubles? because I see children as competent learners.

it's amazing that the children can still remember what they had made weeks ago. One boy asked the whereabout of his lizard, when I let him glaze his dinosaur. A girl recalled that the hair of her clay dancing girl has fallen off, and she asked me whether I had figured out how to glue it back on. They invested time, thoughts and energy into their work, though it seemed they were just having fun. The children are committed artists who took ownership and responsibility seriously.

Marvin, when talking about working with children in art, advised against demonstration because children tended to think following what the teacher has done is more important than original thinking. He sees children as competent artists and are able to come up with ideas and solutions.

The same applies to behavior management. Here's my recent experience. Out of the blue, a new child cried and screamed. We have tried to comfort him and have done all sorts. But we could not figured out what's the issue, because he did not talk and just screamed. The head teacher decided to shift the balance of responsibility back to the child. She calmly told the child that we were willing to listen whenever he was ready. Then she just walked away. After a short while, the child came to me and explained that he had no friends to play with, because a particular child did not play with him. I explained that we can always have more than one friend, and pointed to the children at the playground and asked him to join in. Happily, he went to make new friends.

The head teacher trusted that the child is a competent communicator, and he is able to express his needs and wants once he has calmed down. She understood that children need time to learn to regulate their emotions, and she respected the child's need to do things at his own pace.

Ask yourself what's your image of the child? One who sees children as dependent on adults' help will intervene and 'teach'; and others who see children as competent and confident learner will observe and seize the magic moment to support and facilitate 'learning'.