Handling unacceptable behaviours of young children

Hitting is an unacceptable behaviour. But the fact is it does happen among young children.

Earlier today, I was asked what would I do if a parent said his child was hit by another child in the kindergarten. I replied that I would promise the parent to investigate and treat the matter seriously. I would also reassure her that hitting is totally unacceptable in the kindergarten. And then, I would discuss with my colleagues to find out more. Reflecting on it now, I think I have shortchanged my friend, who probably would like a proper analysis of the scenario. I once worked for a home based early education and care provider and often had similar questions referred to me. Let me answer this question again:

The incident involves the child who was hit, his mother, the child who hit, the teaching team, and all the other children.

First and foremost, everyone needs to feel safe and secured in the kindergarten. The child has a right to be safe, especially one can learn only when he feels safe. The child who was hit didn't tell a teacher. Why? Did he not trust the teacher? Was there no teacher nearby?If no teacher has witnessed the incident, the team needs to step up their supervision. Are there any blind spots around the kindergarten?

The incident of hitting could be more complicated than it seemed. The child might be provoked, which doesn't give him the license to hit back, of course. But then, it might become a learning opportunity for emotional management. The child needs to learn to stand up for himself in non aggressive way. The teacher needs to talk gently with both children to get a clearer picture of the incident.

What about other children in the kindergarten? Was anyone around at that time? No one came forward to tell a teacher? No matter how vigilant and alert the teachers are, they might not see everything. It is a fact that we must accept it. The teacher could be busy working with some other children who demanded her full attention.  Again, the incident calls for some teaching/learning activities about behaviour management. At mat-times, perhaps, a discussion about what constitute unacceptable behaviors? The 4 year olds might be mature enough to draft up a good behaviours contract that could be signed by all of them afterwards. Also, brainstorm what to do when confronted by aggressive behaviours. If the children are younger, give specific instructions about what to do, such as saying, "stop it. I don't like it!" And then, go and find a teacher. The whole group can practice together to say, "No, hitting is not acceptable!" I always advise the children that they are allowed to use a big voice to say NO! in such situation.

Parents are our close ally in supporting the growth and development of young children. They all need to know how we manage behaviours of children in our care. Take the initiative to discuss behaviour issue in newsletters; and seek their feedback. To the mother whose child was hit, explain what actions you're going to take or have taken; inform her about the progress of the investigation; reassure her that hitting is a serious matter; and keep the dialogue and any other two way communication open.

Sufficient? Appropriate? What do you think?

Managing behaviour in the early years

Effective behaviour management in the early years involves learning. Unacceptable behaviour should be dealt with to ensure that children are not demeaned or their self esteem is damaged. Te Whaariki, the New Zealand Early Childhood Curriculum, outlines the ways in which behaviour management could be empowering: the children will know the limits and boundaries of acceptable behaviour; and will understand the consequences of stepping beyond the limits of acceptable behaviour. Behaviour management strategies are not only meant for preventing unacceptable behaviour but also for developing ideas of fairness and new social skills.

Today, I visited a long day care centre and stayed in the room for three year olds. I realized how easily young children become tired, especially after being stuck inside for a long period of time due to bad weather. At the young age, their self control may still be unreliable. I think it's the teacher's responsibility to observe and respond to signals of tiredness. When there are issues of unacceptable behaviour, the young children need to be handled in a calm and caring way.

After lunch, one teacher brought children out to have a little play, while other teachers set up the sleeping area.  Some children started doing forward roll on the wet ground and more children joined in. The teacher asked them to stop and warned them that they would get wet and sick. And then, she threatened to bring the children inside to sleep if they did not take notice of her instruction. A few children did not listen and kept doing forward roll on the ground with small puddles. In the end, she scooped one child inside, while the child yelled in protest. And then, another child was taken inside the same way. Despite that, two children continued to roll on the ground, regardless of the consequence. To me, it's seem they were unable to stop themselves, rather than blatantly disregarded the teacher. They probably were very tired, so ready to have a lying down.  I just said No to them clearly and distracted them by saying not on a cloudy day without the sun. They naturally checked out the sky, and I reinforced that they would be allowed to do it on a sunny day. On that moment, I invited them to go on the jungle gym. Distraction and provision of alternatives could be more efficient than punishment at this young age.

The same strategy applied later.  After nap, a child who has woken up for a long while pushed a child who just woke up several time, probably trying to get him into playing together. They started to pushed each other roughly. The teacher said, "no fighting, otherwise you will go to the office!" Though children need to learn the consequence of their unacceptable behaviour, but not in this way. Logically, getting hurt is a possible consequence of fighting that children need to be aware of , as the learning outcome is to understand how to look after their own well being and to keep themselves from harm. It's different from avoiding the punishment of being sent to the office.

 I thought those children were unable to decide what to do when they just woke up. They simply need to know there is another option. So, I asked them whether they want to do a painting. One child immediately followed me to the art table. And the other child said, "me too!" I think the teacher could bear this in mind in future planning about respect for rules. For sure, the children need to understand the rule about harming others and an understanding of the reasons for it.

Children develop a sense of self worth when their emotional well being is nurtured. Teachers of young children could give genuine opportunities to make choices and to develop independence. Also, its the teacher's' responsibility to help young children to understand and accept necessary limits, without anxiety or fear.

Click here for positive parenting resources developed by S.K.I.P. of New Zealand. The ideas and concepts are relevant to early childhood teachers as well.

Superheros Dress-up day

On the last day of the term, we had superheros dress-up day. The focus is to acknowledge children's recent interests in superheros, like Transformers, ninjia, Spiderman and Ben 10. It's a way to get families involved, as at these young age, parents had to organize the outfits. We also want to communicate to parents that pretend play embodies many learning opportunities, especially for engaging boys.

Personally, I have a goal to use the dress-up event to extend children's imagination. So, I created a superhero character, Super Smiley Girl for myself. My super power was to put a smile on people's face. Therefore, I wore a cape full of stickers, and I simply ripped stickers off my cape to share with everyone. I put butterfly wings on my leggings because I was supposed to run fast. I also used a smiley face as my insignia. I explained my outfit and superpower to children, in order to encourage them to create superheros from their own imagination and creativity rather than from the movies or TV series.

Although most children came in with costumes brought from the shop, I was glad that children showed interests in my outfit and started to ask questions. I applies Desalyn De-Souza and Jacqueline Radell's ideas to guide children to make their own superheros. I declared that my super power was to make people happy; and I asked the children what supeheros usually do. I demonstrated to them how a superhero may look like and asked their suggestions for a unique superhero. We googled images to look at different insignias, and we talked about colors, shapes, letters and symbols of a potentially super insignia.

At the end of the kindy day, some children had developed their own supehero persona, and they asked me to help them make their own outfits. Well, that's what we will do after the school holiday, I promised them. I will collect fabrics, get my sewing machine ready, and buy some face paint as well. May the force be with us!

Nursery rhymes, songs and games

 It's nearly end of the term, both children and teachers are tired. It's early spring and the weather is cold and windy in the morning and hot in the afternoon, and the children are sometimes not properly dressed, either coming in with too much or not enough clothes. Also, many children are turning five during the term break, so a lot of birthday celebrations at kindy, and children are always excited and somewhat restless. They found it hard to sit still and pay attention during reading at mat-time. In respond to their emotional and physical needs, the teachers decide to play games with them instead of reading at mat-times.

Songs and games at group times have lots of advantages. The children all enjoy and participate in the singing game, especially as the activity is interactive which allow them to move and talk. In terms of social development, children learn to work together as a group, to take turns, to listen to and talk with each other. They join in singing the songs or rhymes, which provides opportunities to enhance verbal language skills, as Claire McLachlan rightly points out that children nursery rhymes are beneficial to clear pronunciation and articulation. While contemporary children songs reflect the current context, the traditional nursery rhymes still have an important place in the early years.

The most popular singing game at the moment is called "there was a princess long ago". We made props and let children act out the story, which incorporate an element of drama. The song captures children's imagination and extends their fantasy play. The best of all is both boys and girls are involved in a cooperative way to play out roles of the prince and princess. Of course, the roles are a bit stereotype with the princess being rescued by the prince. Anyway, the song tie in well with the superhero play developing at the kindy . It promotes the idea that superheros are kind, caring and helpful. So a big yes to "there was a princess long ago"!

boys in early childhood

Today, kindy was a very dangerous place. Inside, boy zombies were terrorizing people; and outside a group of boys were setting up a booby trap. Nearly three quarters of the children at kindy are boys lately, the whole dynamics have been so different.

Boys tend to take risks. A bunch of boys decided to connect planks, wheels, bits and pieces of materials together to build a trap to get someone. I commented that it would dangerous, they claimed, "we don't care." When I said I cared about them, they respond boldly, "we won't die, we just need to go to the hospital, the doctor will fix us." It seemed they are bullet proof.

At the playground, boys are always seen jumping off at a height, and making some daring moves. They are not shy to show how strong they are. Similarly, the so called quiet and gentle ones want to be in control; that could be why they played zombies to scare the girls in the dramatic play.

Boys sometimes see small things as a challenge. While a child said he has built a tall tower, another boy next to him declared in a loud voice that he had built a taller tower. Eventually, the exchange has become a yelling match!

Boys draw and read. They love action stories, funny ones as well as books on dinosaurs and rockets. You may set up a vase of flowers to inspire the girls; but boys certainly love to observe robot or ninja toys for reference, when drawing.

Totally agree with what Jody Mace said about gender differences are the result of both nature and nurture. We need to acknowledge that boys have more physical energy and need more challenging environment and opportunities to learn.

Boys in early childhood - The everlasting love for Transformers

The boys at kindergarten have been making Transformers with the Mobilo blocks. They took the initiatives and asked the teachers to bring out Mobilo on the day when we put them away. The flexibilty and varied combination of the blocks enabled the Transformers they made are able to 'transform', such as twist and turn, bend and stretch. The boys also incorporated Transformers into their pretend play, as they chased each other, they claimed that they were Transformers, which they thought have given them the license to 'scare' their friends! It's amusing to see them wearing sandpit spades on their arms, pretending to be the armor of the Transformers autobots.

However, the boys sometimes crossed the boundaries and displayed aggression. a couple of 'victims' were not able to deal with the situation and cried in shock, while some children went to the teachers for help.  I have been thinking how to extend their interests in Transformers?

One teacher brought in Transformers figurines and hung them down the ceiling for children to observe and draw. It worked for a day or so, but the temptation to pull the figurines down was too great that we decided to pack the Transformers away. Anyway, the interest to draw was not big, probably these boys are active and kinesthetic learners, so they interacted with 'the Transformers' in a physical way.

I talked with my teenage son who still keeps his Transformers in a safe place. He simply said, 'who doesn't like robots? Everyone likes robots!' I suggested that  fairies to girls was just like robots to boys, and my son agreed. Well, then it's fantasy play in the domain of boys?

Back to extending the boys' play relating to Transformers, what should/can I do next? The teachers in my kindergarten think of buying more Mobilo blocks. I am thinking about recording their knowledge and ideas about Transformers and then documenting and displaying them on the wall. This is a way to show that teachers value the interests of children. Through the documentation process, children are learning to express themselves, extending their verbal language to describe and explain. Also, the teachers will be demonstrating how to make ideas visible in writing and pictures.

Maggie Haggerty shared her observations of how a young child "interweave, talking, writing and reading" during his drawing of superheroes. Really inspiring!

What else could you think of?

Gun play

Lately, there have been some concerns about gun play at my kindy. We have a big group of boys starting kindy, and they have been dominating the playground, running with guns. In the beginning, they used their fingers as guns to shoot, and then some started to create guns using construction materials, like lego, mobile and even wood from the carpentry table. It seemed all the boys are attracted by the play, as they joined in almost instantly when 'threatened' / 'invited' at gun point. However, some got upset when the play became rough with physical contact. It did not go down well with the girls as well. From time to time, the teacher needed to intervene to clarify who wanted to be in the game and who did not.

At my kindy, the teachers agree that gun play is part of superhero play and should not be banned. It's good that we see eye to eye. We are aware that boys enjoy running in big space, outside, so they are naturally attracted to gun play. We also acknowledge that guns and weapons are a feature of some children's home experiences, such as a couple of Dads are policemen and a few families live on the farm or are frequently involved in hunting trips. Combined with information learnt from the media, our children are also acting out the good and bad theme with gun shooting.

While we acknowledge the importance of gun play in children's play repertoire, we need to make sure no one feels threatened. It's about communicating, listening and talking to each other. We encouraged the children to stand up for themselves and say 'no' to the gun player, and we remind the gun players to stop when being asked to. The learning involves social skills and will bring about the development of empathy.

Meanwhile, we are thinking about issuing gun licenses to children, which will be revoked when the child does not listen or show too much aggression. We probably will allotted an area for gun play, so who does not want to get involved could avoid the area and whoever feels too overwhelmed might exit...

I'm researching on gun play, and I have come across an interesting article by Diane Rich. You may also want to have a read...Bang, bang! Gun play and why children need it. Also, about gun license, see file:///Users/teacher/Documents/Kindy%20kids%20get%20gun%20licences%20%7C%20Stuff.co.nz.webarchive